KenshinandKaoruforever
by blueraindrops
Summary: this is newly revised folks!!! good news ne?!?! :::hmp::: that enishi!!! ha!! i'll kill him


Kenchin & kauru forever

Kenchin & Kaoru forever

Another simple day, a very plain sight and yet, It is full of beauty.

The sun was up, but I was first.

I always wake up early, racing the sun. 

Like a game who will come out first.

I always won. 

We used to do this before, yes, me and Kenchin.

We would wake up early, earlier than the marvelous sun, a stunning horizon to watch the moon dissapear and slowly poke its face to as, young lovers under the sky so wonderful, so spectacular.. and so splendid. 

We were very young at that time and also very in love, love doesn't choose any age, any time… like love does not ask why because it is a reason itself.

It does not ask what if because it takes all risks and love does not ask until when because it knows no time. 

It was insanity; we were like stupid psychotics who are suppose to be in a mental ward, a zone or probably a district for crazy people.

I really don't care; we don't care, as long we were happy, very much. 

Plain as it may look but we had the time of our lives, because the person your heart is beating to silently seat with you and watch the moon pop away and then the sun shows its half round face.

It was a nice scene.

A very miraculous, an amazing picture so perfect.

I could clearly remember the past, everything was coming so clear and like it just happen yesterday, all details, especially when I sit here in my chair, the chair where I used to share with him, this chair who has witnessed hundreds of sunrise.

And below, just below the blue crystalled sky, I could clearly see his face, like engulfing the clouds so pure, white and fluppy.

It was Kenchin's face in there, then I would eventually raised my hand craving for the touch of his face, pretending that he was near, _but he is near, he lies silently here in my heart_. 

I was starting to cry, again but I'd later wipe them, knowing that Kenchin, my Kenchin would not be happy, and it was not good for me and the… it was quite long by now, more than eight months have I sat in this chair watching the sun.

But I find each day a perfect one like of those before because hope inside me did not die.

I still continued what we always do before, _trying to recall yesterday not forgetting them, I would never regret the time I met him, no, nope, not even a single minute will I regret._

_I'm thankful of what I have now, of what happen_. 

Everyday I go here exactly at six and then stare at the sun all day without me getting bored, I was enjoying myself, feeling the sun's rays upon me, the sensation it gives me for another strength filled day, the scent of all the flowers swaying in my garden and the clouds, in the sky drifts perfectly, like they were in unison and they march hesitantly, the aroma, the fragrant scent of the flowers all around my garden mingling with me.. swaying into my face.. my body.. my whole being… especially the pink ones.. I remember his clothes.. the color of his hair and then… everything. _I miss him but I'm not afraid knowing that I am loved_. 

_I was the only person in there and yet, I'm not alone, I don't feel lonely, I feel Kenchin's just here, staying with me all day each moment_.

Each day I go here and enjoy myself like of those days before, sitting closely with Kenchin is everything I _could die for and even now he's not here, I still feel his presence, like he's just beside_ me, accompanying me while watching at the sky so beautiful. 

_An intimacy with his heart and mine… together_… _And just thinking of his memory makes me complete again, whole again because I know even my eyes may not see him, my heart will always be with him, that's for sure, I know it_.

I know that it is also already the time.. the time I have been waiting for so long, after long nine months, our baby will be born today. 

Maybe this sunset or any time now, this precious, precious baby.

His baby, this baby, me and Kenchin's _fruit of unbearing love_, I shall call him baby Kenchin or baby Kaoru if a girl. 

It was a month before I knew, after one month, after that one night when we… he did not know any of it, he passed without knowing that I'm pregnant, carrying his child, the cause of what we did one night. 

Sanusuke, Megumi, Misao, Yahiko and the others were very shock but I _was happy_, proud that here in my womb, I carry _his fruit_, _his child_. 

Even he had not known about it, that he didn't find out that something was created, I was very happy, a very content woman, that now, I am finally a mother… I was to tell him that day but a terrible tragedy happened right in front of my very eyes, a crazy warrior killed him, the popular known Batusai was killed of an unknown man.

I don't want to believe at that time, I push my words that it can't be, _it just can't be_, not him, not Kenchin now or ever.

But reality slip into time and I was dying at that moment, I did almost everything for my memory to stop reminiscing and from my heart from crying. 

I stayed all inside my room for a week or more, careless of what would happen to me and the baby, I wanted to die, I have taught of all the possible things I could do to get me my life, to kill myself to be with him sooner _for I can't live without him_, but I was so stupid, forgetting about our baby. 

I was tormented at that moment, at that scene I saw, why does he have to die in front of me? 

Why does his all blooded face struck and fell down right in front my feet? 

Why does he need to die? Now, that were having our baby.

Why?…

Why?.. those are all the questions, the words I could say… why does he need to leave me?

I wanted to slap him or something I want to shout and cry so loud, so loud that all the people in the whole world would hear… why is he being so careless? 

He knows that I _will never be Kaoru without a Kenchin_, without him, he knew that I would be a tree without leaves, a flower without a scent, a rainbow without a color, an ocean without a water, a sun without a heat, a _human without a heart_. 

I need him, so much… I was crazy. I became insane.

Why does destiny and fate hate me? 

Why now? 

Why did they took him away? 

The only man I ever gave myself, I _ever loved_, Kenchin Himura. 

He was not aware that he was a father, yet he suspected that I could be pregnant since he was the one who got my virginity without marriage… but I don't care and I'd _happily give myself before him a thousand times because I love him, so much_… and he was right, men just do know what they are making… and he promised me.. that he would never leave me… _never_, that we would sit together staring at the lovely sunrise everyday. 

He fulfilled it before that faithful incident.

He made it possible to do his promise each day but… I never want to stop crying until I cried even more when I found out that he died saving the _woman he love,_ he died protecting _me_… that unknown man was Enishi, a man who loved me so much just before I met the man, the father of the infant inside me, the man I love so much.

He was so desperate about me, I didn't bear any single emotions for him because I love someone else… _him_.

He went so crazy, like how much I was for Kenchin and he hates Kenchin more than anyone else in this world so much.

He went away for more than several years, I taught he'd understand, that he left because he's happy for me but… he should be happy because I'm happy being with Kenchin. Just seeing him is enough for me to die, my _day would then be perfect_.

Everything was in hand when I'd see his red, fragrant hair, the _warmth_ of his smile that never failed to make me so fulfilled.

And those eyes, those little perfect eyes of him I often dreamed, no, I _always _dream, each day, each night, _each moment_.

He just can't failed to melt me when he looks at me… 

I would shout inside but I would try to remain silent, keeping all the emotions inside for the whole world _might overflow_… because of how much I felt…Enishi just can't accept the fact, that I'd be always loving one man _only.._ always… He went away and made himself powerful, I didn't know any of it until when he came back, I taught he would bring good luck to me and Kenchin, now that we were finally one, but the opposite happen.

I choked every part of me when I heard that. 

He died saving me from that dirty damn man, that man who because of love did it. 

I don't want to accept that he could do such a thing, I don't even want to believe, everything is just in a mess, a lie.. yes, a lie... I've repeated those words when I was in total mourning. 

Sorrow and grief was all I could ever see at that time.

He swore that he would never give him me, his only treasure even it cost it his life, he will, _even he had to die a hundreds times_, for the only girl, now a woman… _he will… he will_… 

They battled and they both… I came late, I only saw them lying on the floor, all blood, it was hell, one was a cold, hard body, the other was struggling to speak, Kenchin… _my _Kenchin. 

I was holding him, hugging him, shouting, crying, I suddenly felt weak, my strength suddenly vanish and I cant even move a bit, when I saw him covered with blood, I almost hit the ground for I fell. 

I wanted to share with him my own blood not to shout.. I wanted to become close, closer than ever..

I felt like I was going to loose him, but hope inside my heart was struggling to fight that feeling, it was exploding inside my head, my heart, that he wont die.. He won't leave me…

I don't want to think about it. 

It just won't happen, no, never.. he will not depart, he will continue his promise.. 

He promised me that night… 

I wanted to shout but there's just no sound coming out of me, my mouth was open but there was no plain, single sound that left my mouth, even my voice was lost..

I was lost, my strength were all gone. 

All I could do is to hug him, his arms hugging me too, we were on an embrace and how I'd gave all the prayers onto the whole world to stop time even just for a while, that it will be staying like this forever, close to him, _hearing his heart beating, I would then be alive_, I never want to let go, I was calling God inside, a call _I never tried too hard in my whole life_, just now… because I could not speak, all I could do is to hold him tight while my eyes were unstoppably crying, tears were everywhere, all over my face and into his upper kimono, the pink one, the one that he always wear, his favorite.

My eyes were flooding with tears that could not be stop, they're uncontrollable, they go down from my eyes down to my cheeks… 

I was shaking, afraid that someone will get him from me, and then he whispered before his last breath this words… 

" _You will never be lonely… Ai shiteru.. Kaoru._." 

I wanted to answer back, though I could not speak, I tried to get all what I have inside to answer him, but my tears were just the one responding, I'm even sobbing harder now, I was… I don't know, then I manage to utter something _through the help of my heart_, the _strength of my heart_ not the strength of my mouth nor my voice. 

I was uttering _Ai_… when everything went all down, no more energy that my body could give, could sustain to be conscious, everything was black, I fainted. 

The next morning I woke up and he's still on my mind, _my heart_, I wanted to find him, look for him that he is just find, he's peacefully sitting on our chair waiting for me to share watching the sunrise. But the memory struggled to come in and then all the pain was back again, a doom for me, I don't even want to wake anymore…because I'll have to face the bitter fate of destiny for me nor I wanted to sleep, because _even in the darkest of my sleep_, I still mourn too deep.. _so _sorrowfully, _so_ painfully. 

I just wanted to _be with him_, staying with him forever… 

How much I convinced myself that it was just a lie, a dream, no, _even in dreams, I can't bear to see him in pain, it just gives me the ache more than ever_… that's how much I love him.

And I really didn't care that he was slain by a dirty bastard who loved me so much, he's still _the greatest warrior_ for me, I never doubt of it, I thought of that and I know that and will continue to believe.

He is the greatest warrior because _he got my heart_. 

He was _my only one and will always be the one hero_… _forever_… 

I taught I could never go on, that I could never stand up and face the world if he's not with me, in my side. 

_Everything was nothing without him._

Then I suddenly remembered the baby, our baby, I should not loose hope, I should not give up… this seed inside me is going to live.. until I shall bear him in to this world, I may not say cruel, this is not a cruel world, because in here, _here where I met my soulmate_, because if not of this world, I would not see the man I _love the most_. 

If not of this world, my eyes would never meet him and trully know what _love is_… 

I'm still fortunate, very fortunate _because in here, I met him. Kenchin Himura_.

I tried to stand, until little by little I was getting the pieces that fell to continue. 

It was hard at first but his memory makes me stronger… _just thinking of him gives me more than courage than ever_.

I _get my source from him_, my love. 

This child is our child.

I must live for the sake of all of us, me, Kenchin and baby Kaoru or baby Kenchin.

He had taught a lot to me, _a lot which I would never learn if I never knew him, and I could say that I'm the luckiest woman in the whole universe..._

_I knew love because of him_…

If there are nights when you feel so afraid, _never _think it's endless; _it's not always loneliness that conquers life._

He taught me. 

There would surely be a day, a sunrise, symbolizing a bright future…

When you're sad, just look at the sky and then the sun would be shining at you, smiling… 

I was able to recover _because of him, because of this baby.._ _because of love._

It's not the end of everything if someone special to you went away… or if he's not by your side, _what matters is the heart_… _as long as love reigns inside, there would never be ends, no goodbye_s _your heart would always be joined, always together… for what matters only is the heart and the love biding them_. 

_It doesn't affect or change whether he's a million miles away, or even no exact measurement could even assume how far he is, he is beside me…_

_He will always be beside me, because we love each other so deep that even the farthest distance could not part us because we are one, always our hearts will be together until the end of forever. _

_And this he made clear that if there are sunsets, following them are always sunrises... and I know, I know that even he went away before I could tell him, I know, he is smiling down at me in heaven._

_ _

I taught I could never see the sun again

Then, you came… just when….

My heart whispers through the night…

That you're beside me… holding me tight…..

I will continue because of this strength…

You gave… I will always be strong…because you will spend…

Knowing that you're with me…

Is the only thing that I know to go on till the end…

We will always be together…

Even far away, holding hands…

Watching each others eyes…

Embracing all tight…

Lying silently… you rest here inside…

The love we have, yours and mine…

And you… all I need through and through….

You… here in my heart… all I need to continue…

AI SHITEIRU…

I LOVE YOU… 

~ burning flame(2001) 


End file.
